*********
BEECHER
There was nothing left. Of the moment of complete euphoria that had led the minors to the riot, of Vern's dream, there was nothing left, and it didn't matter much if he was still alive or not, it was only a matter of time now before the whole place was cleared of its liabilities and turned into some desert useless tin can floating in space.
In some way Devlin had succeeded, I had succeeded, Oz was dead.
It was 4:15 in the morning and I was leaning against the window in the communication room, watching stubbornly outside where there was nothing to be seen. It was a strange sensation; on Earth, wherever I'd been, even in the most lonely place in the middle of nowhere, I could still give a look around and actually see something, but here there was nothing, not a move, just the stars scattered darkness, and after the first thrill of excitement it was just scaring, like a foretaste of death and I would've given a lot for a tree, a leaf moving under a soft breeze, anything alive.
The threat was still hanging, but the ships were gone; on Mars3 the situation was quickly getting out of hand; the new world was now casting off the yoke, demanding freedom, independence, and Earth was taken off guard, unable to find the right answer. We'd taken all that for granted, a poor colony lost in space, a useful place where people had no other hope than working for the big rich planet. We thought we owned them, we thought they owed us for the few they had, didn't understand why they weren't grateful. Didn't history teach us anything, didn't we know yet that sooner or later slaves get rid of their chains? People who thought they held the power, politics and real leaders, big boss of the Earth major companies had been holding a long and fruitless meeting; and Mr John Arrow, president of the United Earth Council, a dumb little warmonger who considered what happened on Mars3 like some slaves' riot that had to be quelled with much bloodshed was an enthusiastic supporter for a forceful armed intervention.
Come on, Mr Arrow, I was thinking from my lonely little prison lost into space, what's the use? You're gonna kill the leaders, kill innocent people, make a martyr out of that priest Keller seems to admire so much and then what? Mars3's very far from Earth, it's been a long time now since our roads have parted and it's a question of time before Earth loses the long haul fight –Set them free!
That's what I was brooding on, then, blinking against the orange glow of A4; I felt dirty and exhausted, I'd spent the whole night talking with Devlin, and Saïd, and Gen, Devlin again and other big shots inside the EMC but Oz2231 had lost its prior importance, now, and the only answer I'd got was "If you manage to set everyone free and get us rid from this fuck Schillinger, I'll let everybody go, close the mine and forget about all this shit."
I'd never heard Devlin speak so freely before, he promised he'd call the trade union as soon as possible, told me he had a flight to take to Cairo where the Earth Government had settled down that year and hung up.
Working had kept my mind from worrying but now I couldn't stand the wait; I was ready to go looking for Keller when I heard footsteps behind me; two arms circled me, pulled me against a naked chest.
"Good morning, Earth man."
I didn't move, just closed my eyes and leant back, hoping to melt into that body, become part of it.
"How did it go?"
"Fine, just fine." But his voice was shaking, hell, he was shaking and I turned in his arms to watch him.
Christ.
His eyes were darker than the space outside, grim and cold, the smile on his face hid less than it showed –repulsion, sadness, disgust.
"It's OK, he's dead. Hell, they're all dead." he sighed and wiped his sweaty face with his hand, "I'm afraid my seat in heaven was just cancelled."
"Hey, I'll intercede, I'm good at that."
He tried a weary smile. Could he really be afraid for his soul? Fuck, most of the people I knew didn't even believe they had one.
"Did you talk to Devlin?"
"Yes, look, the ships are gone, he promised he'd let us go."
"Us? Since when are you part of us, Beecher?"
"I'm here, so..."
He nodded, looking so defeated that I wanted to hug him tight and not let go, I saw blood on his shirt, he'd been hurt –one more scar to kiss, one more wound to heal.
"I talked to Ryan O'Reily", he said, "they mined the pit down on A4…"
"They went down?"
"No, of course not, they sent an automatic shuttle stuffed with explosives just in case we got fucked in the ass by the Company; make sure they can't get the mine back, cause a maximum of damages. Now listen, we both are gonna leave right now."
I frowned.
"What?"
"No more questions, c'mon."
Keller
Let's admit I lied to him, let's admit things didn't go so well. I'd killed Vern all right and some of his nice good old friends –Robson first, of course, with my bare hands, a real treat. I hadn't gone there alone, some of the most vicious slugs of the place, well, guys like me, had come to help and the job was done in a matter of minutes, dead bodies sent out in the darkness without a word. I lost a friend in the fight but the sight of a dead Vern was worth the sacrifice and the look in O'Reilly's eyes was priceless too when we shook hands.
"What about the staff?" One of the guys asked. Blood is a powerful drug, and I didn't want to bother with useless lives, people I owed nothing, people who'd always treated me like I was nothing, well, they were nothing to me and what was done, was done; I just hoped the foul taste in my mouth would vanish but after that it was good to lean against Beecher's body, feel those square hands run along my back to soothe the pain, calm the shaking.
"Listen," I said, "we gotta leave now."
The hands stilled, he stepped back. "What?"
"Yeah, Mars3 sent us a shuttle, it's waiting. Come on, leave your stuff behind and let's go, I want to be far from here when the men of the company arrive; it's not that I don't believe in your skills as a negotiator, Beecher, but I know how vicious those people are; I don't trust them."
/And I know how they'll react when the find the whole staff dead on the first level /
"Look, it's not…"
I grabbed him by his shirt. "No. No, not now, we'll talk later. Look there's a lot of danger, bad stuff going on."
I read in his eyes that he doubted me, that he wanted to know. From the door, O'Reilly's voice called us.
"C'mon, guys, let's go, we're about to leave."
I turned to Toby.
" Beecher , please!"
"No, I'll stay, I don't take any risk by staying, I…"
A brief look at O'Reilly and I knew what I had to do.
He woke up an hour later in the belly of a big old ship, among other men, tried to sit down and failed. I helped him up.
"Sorry, Beecher , I couldn't leave you behind, if anything had happened…"
He glared at me, rubbing his chin, "Fuck you! Where are we going?"
"Mars3. Home, at least for us; from there we'll send you back to Earth."
He snorted. "Yeah? From what I heard, things don't go so well between our worlds!"
"Mother Peter Marie will find a way," I said, hoping I was right.
BEECHER
"Mother Peter Marie will find a way," he said and I heard something like a childish faith in his voice that shut me up. I was too tired, anyway and in a metallic wall I caught a glimpse of my face, black eyed, a bruise on my jaw. I sighed.
"You're a goddamn liar, Keller, son of a bitch." I growled against his ear. We were sitting side by side on metallic benches.
"What?"
"Yeah, what about the long hard fuck in the green house you'd promised?"
He opened his mouth to answer but suddenly the ship was shaken like a boat in the eve of a storm and some of us fell on the floor. I turned to look through the window, afraid that we'd been attacked, afraid that the company had changed its mind but what I saw, I'll never forget.
Far behind us something was exploding, something big and red, swirling flames spurting out from its heart, running to us like tentacles trying to catch us and take us back, swallow us.
"What the fuck…"
"How far from the vortex?" Chris tight voice asked and O'Reily quietly answered "close enough."
A swirling tongue of fire seemed about to lick the fuselage of the shuttle; it was hot inside, suddenly, when I felt it in my guts, the sudden acceleration, the shock inside my belly, my brain shutting up as the vortex swallowed us, throwing our spaceship through its maze and spitting it out on the other side like some indigestible food.
The guys rose suddenly, yelling in triumph, laughing, hugging each others, I saw Chris' strained smile and in front of us Ryan O'Reilly smiled back and nodded.
"Great job, K'boy. With a little luck, the explosion wiped out the company's ships too."
After that it was chaos. Everybody wanted to touch Chris, hug him, kiss him –Hell I thought one of them was going to suck him off right there and I watched, stunned, the birth of a hero. He didn't look too proud, actually, just shaking hands and smiling and I felt like I was in the way so I crossed the room and left to stand in a little corridor that separated us from the cockpit, unable to tear my eyes away from the terrifying sight of Oz 2231 and A4 merging in a gigantic ball of fire, devouring everything around them, and I wondered if Pdt Arrow had the slightest idea of how far those men were ready to go, how hard they were determined to fight.
"Hey, are you OK?"
He was behind me, worried.
"Yeah, I guess. Thank you. For letting me into the plan, you know?"
He smiled, a shy lovable smile, god I was lost.
"I wasn't sure you'd approve. I wasn't sure you wouldn't tell Saïd."
"Ah, it's still about Saïd's dick, then?"
"Look, I'm not sure it's the right moment for a fight," he said, and he was right so I pushed the metallic door with my foot and pulled him to me.
"And you didn't do what you'd promised."
"About the Greenhouse."
"Yeah."
He sighed and kissed me.
"You self absorbed bastard... I was busy saving our lives, mine, my friends' and yours and fucking looked a bit trifling at the moment. Of course, right now," he said, his mouth and his stubbly cheek raising goose bumps on my skin, making me moan, "right now I don't think I can't put my mind to anything else."
I wanted to be strong, ask why "saving our lives" didn't include the staff's lives, how many more people had died, Glynn and McManus and Murphy, show some disapproval and how the hell would the company react but I realized I didn't really care as he pulled my pants open, lifted my shirt and began kissing me, coming to his knees to take my cock into his mouth and suck it, his hands roaming over my belly.
"What if someone comes in?" I said, clenching my fists along my body. He let go of my cock and laughed.
"No one will. And anyway I deserve it and so do you. Now close your eyes and listen; you can hear the birds."
All I could hear were the men singing behind me in the other room, probably celebrating with booze and drugs and the soft murmur coming from the cockpit but if I closed my eyes tight enough, then, yes, I could hear them and when he took my dick deeper into his throat it was like a choral of birds and I moaned, begged, and came, crazy with pleasure. When I was able to see again, he was facing me, growling, licking his lips, eyes half closed.
"My turn," he said and pushed me against the wall, yanked down his jeans and took a bottle of something which looked like beer from his back pocket and said "Sorry, got nothing better."
"Jesus, tell me about improvisation, I feel like I'm sixteen again."
He took a sip, handed me the bottle and kissed my neck, my jaw and my shoulders while I was drinking, before stopping me.
"Hey, hey, leave me some, OK?"
I saw his mischievous smile as he turned me around.
"Mr Beecher I welcome you in the rough and manly world of miners. This is your christening."
Turning my head, I saw him shake the bottle and place his thumb against the opening. Oh no, I thought, not that but before I could move I fell the cold neck against my asshole and beer or whatever it was spurt out inside me; the bottle fell on the floor and Chris was inside me, filling me, breathless.
"Jesus fucking Christ, I love you Toby, I do," and he began thrusting, slow deep thrusts, making me shiver from head to toes, taking my breath away, and then he picked a rhythm, faster, and faster, and faster, until every thrust pushed me hard against the cold metallic wall; I kept my eyes open to see the stars surrounding us, the darkness, until I couldn't stand it anymore, his fingers pinching my nipples, his teeth in my neck.
"Come, Toby, come" and I came, sagging against the wall but he was there to hold me, my hero, my hero with so much blood on his hands, coming inside me, laughing, roaring, a wild animal hidden inside a man and when it was over he took off his shirt and cleaned me, cleaned the floor.
"A bit messy, but fun," he said and I had to wonder if that was some initiation rite and how many before me had gone through it but after that he kissed me deeply and I forgot.
"I heard the birds," I said.
Keller
Yes, fucking Beecher that day was good, like sunshine in the middle of a storm, but soon reality took over…
We met Sister Pete in the cathedral, the floor scattered with multi-coloured light, the smell of incense, enjoying the fresh quietness in the middle of the hot and noisy city. She hugged me like a friend, shook Toby's hand enthusiastically and watched us both with an understanding smile. We talked for a while about what had happened, at least part of it, sitting in the little office behind the choir and she promised to pray for me and the people who'd died, lectured me about the value of human life and I didn’t miss the smug little smile on Toby's lips.
"Sister, we have to send him back to Earth before things become worse."
"Ah" she said, "Arrow's last speech has been quite threatening, from what I heard, we could have an army sent against us, bring us back to reason."
" Toby doesn't belong here, he's got kids on Earth and a wife."
She sighed. "You're right, Chris. I think that soon we'll have hostile manifestations against anything or anyone related to Earth. Mr Beecher, you have to leave as soon as possible. I'm sure we can find a ship…"
He didn't listen to her.
" which means I won't see you again," he said.
Mother Pete stopped, frowned.
"Mr Beecher…"
"I won't see you again Chris, and I will wonder everyday if you're alive or dead," his voice was trembling "please come with me. Earth is a beautiful world, you'll love it, you deserve more than what you've got here."
"This is my world and I'd be unable to live anywhere else."
He shook his head, vehement, "How do you know? You never saw anything else!"
"No! Don't, Toby!"
I hoped he would understand but he had that stubborn look which meant that he didn't and I tried to explain.
"If I leave with you, Toby, who will I be? D'ya want me to be some backstreet lover, spend a few hours together after work, before going home with your wife and kids? I'm no one on Earth, no job, no friends, being your lover isn't enough."
He looked hurt.
"Please!"
"No! Would you stay here?"
"I can't!"
"See?"
Mother Pete had stepped back to give us some privacy, but O'Reily was already at the door, waving at us and we had to leave. Toby looked exhausted and nervous; during the trip, he kept his eyes on the floor, sometimes watching the sky above us, the orange-red sky of Mars3 crossed with dry lightning, dark yellow clouds playing before the sun; I slipped an arm around his shoulders, holding him tight as the old vehicle jolted on the road across the devastated landscapes where the fights had taken place, only rocks and red earth, skinny bushes darting their naked branches to the dry sky, begging for some rain to wipe away the dust and the blood, and behind us the city build with the red rock of Mars3.
An hour later we were standing near the shuttle which (that?) would take Toby away from me.
"I won't forget you, Toby."
"I don't give a damn about that," he said "you can as well forget me, a memory's not enough to me, it's you I want, the real Chris, your body, your voice, your eyes…"
"Stop this, you're only making things worse, isn't it hard enough already? Don't spoil everything!"
He sagged against me, hugged me and I hugged him back, my heart tearing up, and we kissed until Sister Pete cleared her throat.
"It's time gentlemen," she said softly and I stepped back, pushing Toby away, watching him hesitate, wanting to take it all back and keep him there, chain him to my bed and never let him go but I felt Mother Pete's hand on my arm, soothing me, pulling me back... We kept eye contact as long as we could but came a moment when I lost him so I just turned away and left.
It was over. I was dead inside.
As an ardent supporter of the revolution, I fought to snatch our world from the Earthmen's claws and we won; but after that, same old stuff, rich guys, corrupted guys confiscated the power and the time for fighting was gone.
I felt sick and tired of those useless struggles. Independence and then what? We were poorer than before, the unemployment rate had reached unknown levels and some guys I knew were thinking of moving to Earth –wasn't that ironic?
Sister Pete had been the moral leader of the fight but when it was over, she declined the offer of becoming a political leader, her life belonged to God, that's what she said; her attitude disappointed me, it looked like a desertion, and we spent a long time trying to make her change her mind; but her resolution didn't waver; she wouldn't accept any official mission. Later, I learned that the very righteous Kareem Saïd hadn't been that virtuous, he'd accepted a job in the new government and abandoned the direction of his Church to one of his friend, pretending he'd be more useful that way.
Bullshit, I can recognize the call of power and Saïd had been seduced by it like the others… Our Pete Marie was different.
Anyway I found a second rate job in a gypsum quarry. Since Gypsum had become a component in the boosters of intergalactic spaceships, its price had increased tenfold and the quarries were looking for workers; but the job was boring, my life was boring. I'd been hurt in a landslip six months ago and I was too fucking bold, too touchy, I couldn't stand any authority. I decided to leave before they fired me and O'Reily left with me, later some others joined us; we roamed for a whole year across the galaxy looking for an employment, two months here, 3 weeks there, blowing our cash with hustlers and booze in bars, fighting, fucking and that was the hell of a good life, free of any authority, any restraint.
I realize it now, in spite of what I'd told Beecher , Mars3 was never our home, not really, we belonged to our work, to the mine, to the constant growl of spaceships taking us from one place to another, to the space stations, closed places in an infinite loneliness, space gypsies, that's how O'Reily called us.
But I missed Beecher and sometimes, lying on a dirty bed beside a warm body, male or female, I closed my eyes and pretended Toby was here with me. Yeah. How stupid was that?
On a spatial station devoted to gambling –that was O'Reily's forte- the rumour reached us. It had spread its golden wings from Earth to that miserable place, embellished and polished like a jewel. The Company, a guy told us, had found somewhere far on the borders of the galaxy a planet where ore was the purest stuff ever seen, its glowing intoxicating, its fire sparkling in the dark like no others and the story said that the company was looking for miners to work there, that the wages were higher than anywhere else and the job more dangerous that any other job.
"I don't believe it," O'Reily told me "It's one of those old wives' tales every doddering miner tells his grand' children; a fairy tale."
He was probably right but something inside me still wanted to believe; I tried to learn more and a guard on a merchant ship told me that the company had sent men all across the universe, headhunting miners for the job; he gave me a name and an address on a colony near Venus2. I couldn't go to Earth, my life was at stake there, but a merchant colony was safe enough… Fuck, I'd been the best miner on Oz; at the time, I hadn't given a fuck about that but now I missed my job; that life we had, as sweet and adventurous as it could be, it didn't satisfy me. I missed the mine, O'Reily missed the mine, our friends missed the mine, even Miguel Alvarez, half-crazy as he was, missed it too; so one day we gathered our money and boarded the first ship to ADL3543 where the guy from the company was supposed to be.
BEECHER
I was sitting in a huge armchair, listening to the man sitting in front of me.
"What do you think about that? Do you know any of these guys? Did you meet any of them when you were on … How did you call it?"
"Oz."
"Yes, Oz, strange ironic name, I suppose. I've been told that among those people were the best miners of the whole galaxy. If it's true, then I want them, I want them to work on our new mining station, I want the best of them to run it."
Devlin had been fired and a month later he'd died in a very strange accident, many of us suspected he'd been killed, he'd become a very unpopular man; since his death, the alliances had changed, the new directors of the Earth Mining Company had fired most of Devlin's friends; they had dragged me out of the boring little firm where I was doing a mindless job and thrown me into Alvah Case's office; I was sitting in front of the big boss, his dark eyes looking deep into mine.
"I know who you are and where you've been, Mr Beecher, and I know that you were close to some of those men; I am interested in your opinion. I'm ready to forget and forgive a lot about your responsibility in the disaster that ruined Arcturus3 if you help me making this new mine the most profitable one the company ever opened, build a new team, give the whole place a start, find someone to run it; stay there for a while, long enough to make sure that we're not taking any risk. Would you do that?"
I didn't answer, reading the names on the list. Most of them unknown, but some of them… Among the last candidates 10 men had applied three weeks ago and waited for an answer. I read the names again and again, took a deep breath, and raised my head, trying to brace me for what was to come, hoping it wasn't some kind of trap I was running into headfirst.
"I know some of them."
"Good miners?"
"Yes. They were."
"Dangerous?"
"If you let them do the job the way they want to do it, and pay them enough, offer them… distractions, well, danger can be kept at an tolerable level. I mean… they're no choirboys, anyway."
"I don't need choirboys, Mr Beecher, I need tough men, men who're not afraid to risk their lives, men who know the job, and other men to keep them … quiet."
"Take those, then."
Alvah Case agreed, shaking his massive head, and I felt like I could trust him; he seemed to trust me or maybe it was just a trick but I didn't think so; when the shareholders of the EMC had fired Devlin they'd looked for someone different, someone who wasn't solely guided by his own ambition, someone who cared about the public good; Case had been a lawyer, a teacher in University, he was known as a brilliant, broad-minded man, and honest, born from a very poor family, a tireless worker, a smart negotiator and I was beginning to feel the magnetism, the sympathy he inspired; something that felt like Saïd's charisma.
"I can't recruit any miners from Earth; they would ask to come back twice a year and the mine's too far to allow such fantasies, I'm looking for men able to spend two years up there in the middle of nowhere and in a scary place, able to work 1 mile under a frozen ground without freaking out; in exchange of what I will turn a blind eye to the past, pay them like kings and choose one of them to run the place, someone they will obey without any discussion.
I gave another look at the list and took a deep breath.
"Him. Chris Keller; he's the best one, the best miner, a respected one."
A feared one, I added silently. A dangerous one.
Alvah Case smiled. "Why did I think you'd say this?"
I managed not to blush too obviously and smiled back.
"All right, go get him and make a deal; then I want to meet him; but not on Earth, I don't want anyone to know that I'm recruiting cold-blooded killers to run the new mine. Officially, you'll be the only manager, for a while at least."
When I walked out of his office two hours later, I was shaking with excitement and my heart was beating so loud I thought every one could hear it.
Gen and Saïd were horrified. Two years away, in such a place… Gen cried, yelled at me; I'd nearly died the first time, what was I looking for, what did it mean, abandoning my family for two years? How could I be so ungrateful?
"If I succeed," I said, "Case will make me one of the directors of the EMC."
That shut her and my father up in the end; I hoped I sounded enthusiastic; actually I didn't give a damn about my career, the only thing I was thinking of was, Jesus, Jesus, I was going to see Keller again.
I could fool anyone, my family, my wife, my friends, but I couldn't fool Saïd.
"So? Running away once more? What are you looking for? Or maybe who?"
"Nobody. It can be an interesting experience."
"Tobias, you can't lie to me. It looks to me that you met someone on Oz 4 years ago, and that you're yearning after this person; I hope he's not the one I fear he is; I pray that we're only talking about a deep friendship here but I can't ignore that you've been somewhat… indifferent to us all since you came back; I understand that the experience changed you, but the way it changed you worries me."
We were facing each other in the hall of the airport; a private shuttle was waiting for me; I was about to leave for a trip that I would spend asleep most of the time, 3 months at least lost in sleep; I didn't feel like lying; I didn't feel like confessing either.
"The one I met on Oz was no one but myself, Kareem. No one but an unknown man hidden inside me, stronger and more interesting that the pencil pusher you know here; I don't know if you'd like him, but I miss being this man."
He gave me the same enquiring look and finally smiled to me, took my hand in his own and said, "I hope to God that you'll find what you've been restlessly looking for. Don't forget us; don't forget God; and don't do anything He would condemn."
Armed with this unusual blessing, I left Earth.
KELLER
They'd looked relieved to meet us; didn't ask any questions about the past but I had no doubt; they'd be checking every single detail about us, using the data from the EMC and I didn't expect them to like what they'd find, who would? But on the second day we was told we were about to meet a man from the company, the one who'd manage the administrative part of the mining station; he'd be there two days later and would I please wait for him?
Sure I would, I said, the whole thing was becoming a real thrill.
They took us to a hotel on this miserable merchant station –nothing but warehouses, storage places, general stores and busy men; barracks for the workers –and a hotel. Jesus fucking Christ, a hotel. Swimming pool, gym, huge bedrooms, animated walls –landscapes from Earth or elsewhere in front of me, so real I felt like diving in the deep blue sea or touching this cold white thing they called snow –Toby had spoken about snow, I remembered that. Jacuzzis and girls, yeah, I loved the place and O'Reily loved the casino; spent all the nights there; I spent all the nights fucking, something was telling me maybe I wouldn't have so many opportunities in a near future; all that at the firm's expense, too fucking good to be true.
On a Monday I crossed the hall with my friends and made my way to the meeting room, wary about the guy we'd find there; then froze on the doorstep, turned to O'Reily.
"Well, well," he chuckled, "look who's here!"
Beecher . Beecher in a dark suit, turning to me and smiling, eyes sparkling, looking so happy I couldn't help smiling too and he was walking up to us, holding out his hand, laughing.
"Geez, guys, I thought I'd never see you again," he said.
"Yeah," O'Reily said, "I'm sure you missed me like crazy, Beecher ."
When my turn came I was unable to say anything and Beecher 's smile narrowed, faltered, his eyes begging; I crushed his fingers between mine and muttered, "Hey, wasn't expecting you here."
He gave me a shy embarrassed smile and I thought he was going to throw himself at me; but he just nodded.
"Yes, it's a surprise; an unexpected opportunity, I guess. Glad to see you; you look great."
That's about all I remember from the meeting; I had to struggle to keep my eyes off him and I was near enough to touch him, I could've jumped him right there, given a chance; I counted every fucking minute until the moment I managed to see him alone.
"Let's go somewhere," I said between clenched teeth, shaking.
"My room."
And when we were there, I just closed my arms around him and kept him there, not daring to move, my lips on his skin, breathing air filled with him.
"Tell me I'm not having one of those dreams, Toby, tell me it's for real."
I was talking against the skin of his neck, my breath burning his skin and I felt a shiver run through him.
"How did you manage this?" I asked.
"It's a long story, but to make it short, I'd say that some god is watching upon us. I came here to recruit you; you, Chris Keller. I need you for the job, and the new director of the EMC agrees with me."
I backed off; things were going too fast.
"Wait, wait… What job are you talking about? Miner on this new station?"
He didn't answer, looked at me for a moment and retrieved a little box in a drawer, held it out to me.
"Open it, Chris, look inside, you're gonna like it."
Ah fuck, the rumour was true. What I was holding in my hand, warm and shining, sparkling red and gold and blue every time I moved my fingers was the purest ore I'd ever seen, something so alien, so out of any imagination that I had to close my hand around it, hide it to take my mind off it.
"Jesus, I thought it was a lie."
"Well it's not. So, what do you think?"
"About what?"
"Working there?"
I breathed deeply, on the edge of a deep gap and I knew if I stepped forward there would be no turning back, but Toby spoke again.
"Not as a miner," he said "but as a manager. It's what I'm looking for, what the company's looking for. They want a shared management, someone like you to run the whole stuff on a technical point of view."
I tried to wrap my mind around the news, and failed.
"Like me? Dammit, why me?"
"Because the others will trust you, your previous experience will make the difference; they'll respect you, obey you, you'll make the right decisions, take care of them, make the place sure, as sure as possible."
I snorted. "Take care of them? Since when does the company take care of its workers, exactly?"
"Since Case runs it. Listen, the place is too precious to them, the expect profits to reach unknown level, the stuff down there, it's just something nobody ever heard about, they won't take any risk; won't take the risk of another riot, of miners leaving, they'll care."
A new thought begins to crawl through my hazy mind.
"Wait, wait, wait… You said something about a shared management, which I guess means I'll have to share the control with someone else."
"Yeah."
"Fuck, I don't share."
"Yeah? The someone else is me."
Jesus fucking Christ I stared at him in sheer disbelief, noticed the cold blue look, something new, something hard and tough that wasn't here before and I was not sure I liked it. Not sure at all. I wasn't sure the real Beecher was facing me, the one I'd loved; maybe they'd cloned him. Fuck. I wasn't sure of anything anymore.
"And what about the riot on Oz? Don't they know about me?" I asked, wary.
"Case knows but he needs good miners and he thinks maybe you're strong enough to keep the place quiet."
I shook my head, and he went on.
"The deal's for 5 years, one full year to settle down, organize everything, we'll need that; after that it will be for real," he says, "5000 miners working up there. 5 years together, Chris, 1800 days together, working together." He pauses and takes a step forward, "and 1800 nights."
My mind was slowly clearing up. Running a station with Toby, yeah, that sounded fine. I opened my hand again, glanced at the ore warming my palm.
"Nice little baby. Gonna be the hell of a job to keep miners from stealing it."
"Your job, Keller. Mine will be the administrative boring bullshit."
I put the nugget back into the box and reach out for Toby, grabbed his jacket, pulled him to me.
"Why me, Toby? Why?"
BEECHER
"Why me?"
All of a sudden I heard something in Chris' voice I only half expected and I slammed back down my romantic expectations. Insecurities, wariness. I was talking to a guy who'd changed identity four times, maybe more, always had someone watching his back, expected to be arrested any day if he wasn't careful enough and now I was facing him, the memory of an old love he thought he'd lost, and what was he supposed to believe?
And what was I supposed to say?
The truth. I told him about what had happened in Alvah Case's office, and how I'd spotted his name and picked him up as the best one for the job, hoping too it would give me an opportunity to see him again, because, "you owe me big time, Keller."
He glared at me, puzzled.
"Owe you? Why did I believe maybe it was the whole other way round?"
I took my chance them, leaned against him, rubbing my cheek against his jaw.
"There will be a big greenhouse on Oz2," I whisper.
"Oz2?"
"Yeah, that's the name we'll give to the place."
He didn't move, didn't loosen his grip on me, but I felt something new, heard something new in his voice.
"A greenhouse, huh? You'll never leave it alone, will you?"
"I don't think so. You were the one who promised, now that I found you, and the right place, don't expect me to let go so easily, Chris."
"Yeah I don't expect that. Oz2. Sounds a bit threatening, huh? What does the place look like?"
"It's a huge tin can, 5 times bigger than Oz, with two bars, two restaurants, theatres."
"Virtual girls?"
"Real girls," I say, hoping he didn't mean it.
"Real you will be enough."
His hands were on me now, stripping me, pulling me to the bed, pushing me down, falling on top of me, kissing me, stroking me roughly, making sure I was real I guess and I was doing the same; well maybe it wasn't quite the romantic stuff books usually describe, rather some kind of rough coupling, his body rubbing against mine, our lips hungry, warm and dry, tongues battling, hands snaking everywhere and finally a husky whisper asking "What do you want? I'll do what you want?" and I said "fuck me, just fuck me please."
He gave me a sheepish smile. "I don't think I can last very long, Toby, It's been too long."
Hey I'm from Earth and I know a great deal about sex, at least, so I grabbed his shoulders, stilled him, shifted position and pinned him to the bed.
"Let me take the edge off, then, let me do that."
He didn't answer, just nodded, an arm covering his eyes and I felt his body shiver from head to toes when I took his cock in my mouth, just the tip, sucking it, then deeper, and deeper, and deeper still, revelling in his taste until he was buried in my throat and I began to play with him, but he'd been right, he couldn't hold back and he came fast and hard in my mouth, half-choking me, then pulling me up to him, wrapping me in his arms, growling, "taking the edge off, huh, Beecher? You trained a lot, didn't you? Who did you suck on Earth?"
"You, in my dreams," I answered, pushing away the memories of other guys I'd been fucking on a regular basis, trying to forget him, some who looked like him, some completely different, depended on my mood, but now there would be no one else but him, even Gen that I loved tenderly was nothing more than a fading memory.
"Yeah? Then I'm gonna show you it was worth it, Beecher ."
And he was hard again, ready again, parting my thighs with his knees, his mouth ravaging my neck, my mouth, my body, his fingers slick inside me as I bucked wildly, trying to keep silent, trying to open up for him, taking his cock inside, deep, and hard. He stopped moving, kneeling between my thighs and grabbed my hips, pulled me closer, leaned forward, increasing the pressure, smothering my voice with his mouth, barely moving, his belly rubbing against my cock, torturing me, sending me to heaven, then thrusting, putting all his weight in every thrust, his cock grazing against my prostate and I was moaning, begging, sobbing…
"Yeah, baby, you earned it," he whispered, locking his fingers around my cock and stroking, breathing in my mouth until I came, shattered and only half-conscious, Chris' hard body crushing mine; but I didn't complain, I'd been dreaming about that so often, I'd closed my eyes under other men's bodies, pretending they were him; now that it was for real, I could endure anything, even stop breathing, crushed under his weight, but he rolled on his side and looked at me, frowning.
"I thought I'd forgotten you more or less," he said "there are been a lot of others, guys, girls, and I thought I'd managed to make you a memory, a sweet one; but now…" he shook his head and leaned to kiss me again. "I don't think anyone else ever mattered."
And I could do with this particular declaration of love, enjoy this minute of absolute delight until he rose and got dressed. Ten minutes later we were sitting face to face in the bar of the hotel; O'Reily and the others seemed to have vanished.
"So, what does it look like?"
"The planet looks like hell, a frozen hell. I don't think anyone can stay down for more than a week, but you'll tell me. The station's great."
He looked at me and sighed. "I'm not sure I can take such a job, Toby, I'm a miner; I like to go down; running such a place it's a completely different matter."
"You can do it. We can do it together. You know the job, there will be other people to help us."
I wanted it so bad, I wanted an excuse to leave my life behind me and start something new, it was like an old adolescent craving for adventurous love, risky life, new sensations to keep the boredom at bay, take my mind off my usual obsessions. I couldn't leave on my own will, two many bounds still tied me to my world, I had to find a legitimate excuse to go away, something Gen, my kids and my family would be able to accept and believe; tell them "see, I'm so sorry, I'll miss you like hell, but I have to go, the job's an opportunities I won't find again, it means a lot of money and power and the best for the kids and you…"
He said "yes" in a husky voice, it was like a wedding; a week later I boarded the shuttle back to Earth and he left for the new station, I'd join him later with Case; I needed time for my good-byes.
KELLER
Yeah, it loved it. When I first set foot on Oz2, I felt home. The place looked nearly empty, just engineers and experts busy making everything perfect. I visited everything once, twice, a dozen times, memorized every single place, from the huge greenhouse (hey, I had ulterior motives, right?) to the smallest closet (could be nice there too), learned the plan of the 8 levels, the gyms, the restaurants, the bars, the aisle where hustlers would live; the hospital, the miners' rooms, everything. I chose my room and Beecher's, next to mine, two offices, one for him, one for me –I'd never be able to work with him in the same room; and fuck, just having an office was something so unexpected, so strange… I sat in the leather chair, rested my hands on the polished surface, turned the computer on, and laughed.
My first trip outside was for the mine; they had just began digging, a few yards of the future gallery; I listened to the engineers telling me everything I needed to know, safety and emergency device, four elevators in every pit and stairs, steel braced ceilings, automatic evacuation systems.
Then I saw the ore and it was an epiphany; same feeling as being in the cathedral on Mars3, bathed in the coloured sun that poured through the stained glass windows, same blow inside my chest, tears in my eyes; it was just as miraculous as I'd dreamed and I spent a long time there watching, until the guy who'd accompanied me took my arms and dragged me back. Jesus, I couldn’t believe such a place existed; and I wondered how the miners would react, how long it would take them to be addicted to the plain sight of it; I wondered, too, how many foremen I'd need to manage them; I searched in my memory for names; O'Reily, Alvarez maybe, Barlog for sure and all the guys from Oz who had followed me at the time.
While I was waiting for Beecher, I read thousands of pages, technical, geological reports; I had never read that much, I'd never realized I could read that much; never thought I had a brain, actually and I called Sister Pete to tell her about this new experience; she laughed and told me, "looks like you found what you were looking for, after all!"
And I couldn't agree more.
Then Toby arrived, and Case, and we were caught in a whirlpool of work and meetings; Toby and I took the two hours trip through starlit darkness down to the frozen surface of the planet –we named it Treasure, it seemed appropriate; he stood by the rails and looked around, stunned.
"Holy fuck, it's… it's unbelievable."
And just looking at his wonderstruck face behind the glass of the helmet made me want to kiss him.
After Case's departure, I took Toby to the greenhouse to honour my promise. The place looked a lot like some park with trees, flowers, sandy paths, and even a pond where ducks would be be swimming, later; a nice place to take a walk, rest on benches under an artificial sky, swim in a little pool, all the stuff that you'd find on a real planet. Another part was private, the engineers kept it locked for real cultivation and rearing, part of the things the station needed.
At the time, the place was empty. It had been 6 years; we wanted to make it something unforgettable, a memory we could cherish; we locked the accesses, lay under the biggest tree we could find and made love, slow, conscious, intoxicating, delirious love, sucking, fucking, stroking, moaning until we couldn't take anymore, rested, dozed off, shifted places and did it all over again.
Fuck. It was paradise.
Then time began to go by; days and weeks and months working, loving each other, dealing with each other.
I was happy.
BEECHER
Two years had gone by quickly like sand between my fingers.
It was late in the morning, and the kind of moment when you realize that the honeymoon's over; Chris was yelling at me; pointing a vengeful finger in my direction, his face hard with anger.
"No way! I won't allow you to reopen a second pit under the actual circumstances; a man fucking died there, the pit will stay closed until we have further information, and a better protection against such accidents; we're not talking about money there, we're talking about human lives!"
"We're talking about money too, and employment! What do you intend to do with the miners who worked there? Send them back home? How can you be sure it wasn't just some kind of carelessness, or he was just too stupid…"
I didn't finish my sentence; Chris slammed his fist on the desk, yelling.
"Stupid? Why, because he was only a miner, some liability you can easily replace? You fucking bastard, you're like the others, ready to sacrifice our lives for the company."
I tried to keep cool, breathed deeply, I knew fighting Chris Keller on his own ground was useless.
"Chris, it's not that simple… How are you going to tell the company that you decided to close the pit because yesterday a drunken miner fell from a balcony, and that you, alone, suspect some technical problem?"
He glared at me, walked up to the door.
"How will you tell the guys that you decided to reopen the mine despite the fact that yesterday one of them died? How are you so sure he was drunk? Is it the experience talking?"
He slammed the door behind him and I stayed alone in the room, shaking with rage.
Working here was… hell. Working with Chris Keller was … it was… I grabbed the leather chair and threw it across the room, watching it bounce again the wall, sure that the noise had been audible in the whole level, and yelled, because I was tired, fed up, desperate, locked inside this place just like inside a prison and because I fucking wanted to go HOME! NOW! I wanted to actually *see* something and be able to close a door and walk outside, really outside, fuck, I wanted to work with someone who wasn't a fucking stubborn psycho of a miner, systematically on their side, fighting me as if I was an enemy, because I refused to spend all the money in useless safety measures, because some of the guys who worked here worked here for the money and didn't care much for their own life and the others; because some of them stole the ore, skipped work, didn't follow safety rules and because, because…
I was going nuts.
I sat on the desk, trying to calm down, knowing that this new fight had nothing to do with the accident of the day before. We were simply tired of each other's presence. I wasn’t home here, had never been, would never be. But Chris was. He never stopped working, day and night, talking to everyone he met, checking everything, having a drink in the bar with the miners, he was able to call most of them by their names and they loved him, respected him, feared him. I was the other man, the one the miners didn't like much, the one who ranted against productivity that could've been higher and expenses that should've been lower.
I was tired, I missed my kids. And my friends. And my world. And sometimes Chris Keller wasn't enough to make me accept the loss.
I don't know how long I spent there, barely breathing, before the door opened again.
"Okay, I'm sorry."
"Get the fuck out, leave me alone."
"No, listen, I'm really sorry; you're right, he was drunk."
Fingers ruffled my hair, shaking fingers –he'd been as angry as I'd been, he still was.
"I just wanted one day to go down and make sure everything's secure down there."
"Then why don't you just do it? You don't give a damn about my opinion anyway."
He sighed and let go of me.
"OK. See you later, then?"
He was at the door when I said it.
"Chris, I want to leave. I want to go home."
He stopped, his hand on the handle and nodded wordlessly. Then he walked out and closed the door very softly, and I don't know why it sounded like the noise of a heart breaking.
I made the call an hour later, asked for the company to send someone to replace me –Geez I felt like a deserter- and went to bed in my own room, alone. No one came to wake me up in the middle of the night, I heard Chris' laughter next door and guessed that he wasn't alone; he never was, how could I have thought he'd be satisfied with me? Who was I? A half-attractive man from Earth, lost too far from home, whiny and easily scared, ranting and grumbling, taking unpopular measures? Fuck, I was a loser. I woke up early, gave a look at the big white sphere we'd named "Treasure" and sighed. Then I stopped by Chris' door and listened, but there was nothing to be heard so I went to my office, the company had sent me a message, three more months and a new administrator would take my place, officially for the next six months, time for me to rest; but the truth was that I wasn't sure I would ever come back.
In the beginning Chris had been the one scared to be unable to do the job, and I'd been the enthusiastic one; happy to visit and baptize in our own hot way every room and closet of our personal new Oz, still half empty; no miners were working there, the job for the 12 first months had been to make the place ready and safe for them –as safe as it could be. But in the end, Chris was the one made for the job, and I was the one who freaked out, and it made me feel ashamed and weak and guilty. Chris had spent a lot of time deep down in the mine, even when he didn't need to; he used to say that his place was there, that the miners could only trust someone who was able to live like there. I'd gone with him twice but it was just not the right place for me. And now I was leaving.
"Hey, Beecher , you're a quiter?"
O'Reily's voice startled me.
"News travel fast."
"Not too hard to guess, Keller drunk himself to death last night, told me you were leaving. You look a bit worn out, you made the right decision, Beecher, but the guys up here, they won't be too happy about it; they got used to you, they rather like you; someone else… You'd better be back soon."
I turned to him; he wasn't quite a friend but almost; he had no ethic, no illusions and he was brutal; but he managed tirelessly two teams of miners and he was a good boss. He was home here too.
"I'm not sure I'll come back," I said.
"Of course you will. As soon as you've set foot on beautiful Earth you'll miss us. Miss Oz. Miss Keller. Take vacations, kiss your kids, and then come back; we need you here."
He was gone before I had any time to answer; I gave a look at my screen; fuck it was early, too early to work, after all; maybe I could use a break.
So I went back to Keller's room and used my key, entered the dark place; it smelled of sweat and booze, I heard a growl.
"Get out. I'm not in the mood."
"Not in the mood for what?"
"Not in the mood for you, Beecher."
I didn't care, came closer, it was hot and heavy with the smell of his body, the smell of his come; but he was alone now; whoever he had come back with, he or she was gone; no one but I spends a whole night with Keller, I suppose it's something I should be proud of.
"When d'ya leave?"
"Three months from now."
"Fuck. That's a lot of work to finish before you leave. I hope you don't expect me to explain the job to your substitute; and he'd better be good; there are things I stand from you I won't stand from anyone else."
I snorted; I saw him move, turn his back to me.
"I'm sure they'll warn him about the psycho who runs this place; that you will maybe fuck him as a welcome and be on his back every single hour of the day, check all his decisions, discuss them to death as well, get drunk sometimes and go to bed with someone different every fucking night."
I hadn't expected to say that, to be that bitter, but that was the truth.
"I don't know why you loved me in the first place," he said coldly, "I'm so not lovable… And I don't understand why you were so eager to come work here with me, this is so not your place. Happy you realize it at last."
Ah Ok so he was in the mood for a fight; well I wasn't.
"It's not against you, Chris, it's not even about you."
"Yeah? It fucking sounds like it is, you know."
He was angry and hurt. I was hurt and angry, we made a sweet pair.
"You won't come back," he said in the soft cutting voice he had when the emotion got out of control.
"I don't know."
"Don't. We have nothing in common, it can't work. Your place is on earth with men of your kind."
Men of my kind… Men Chris Keller despises. Like he probably despises me for being weak and leaving.
"I don't know, we did a fine job here, Chris. It's just… It's just the place getting on my nerves; the job's tough; and I worry a lot for you and the guys; I know you're mad about one of them being hurt; I do all I can about the money, but…"
A hand landed on my mouth, shutting me up.
"OK, Beecher , if you want to spend a moment here, you just lie on the bed and fucking shut up, OK?"
KELLER
I reeked of sweat, booze and come but when I asked him to lie down with him he obeyed and I spooned my body around his.
"Overdressed, Beecher ," I told him and I helped him out of his clothes until he was stark naked under my fingers. Then I just held him there.
I should've told him that I knew it was not only about me, I knew he did all he could, I knew I was unfair and hard on him, I knew he loved me, and God help me, I loved him too, I loved him too much for my own good, too much for his own good. But I didn't tell him that, I couldn't, no one ever taught me to speak those words of love and comfort; so I buried my face into his neck and took a deep breath.
"Mmmm. You smell good," I said.
Pathetic attempt at tenderness, but he understood; understood the soft kisses on his skin and my hands on his body everywhere I managed to reach, landing on his soft cock. I would've fucked him but I was too tired, my head hurt like hell, and a glance at the clock told me it was barely dawn; he hadn't slept much.
"You should get some rest," I told him, "we have a long day ahead."
"May I stay here?"
Fuck, he was asking me for permission, I hated that, I just held him tighter, that bed was his bed too, didn't he know it yet?
"Just dare try moving, Beecher, and I swear I'm gonna tie you to the bed," I growled in his ear, feeling him relax, listening to his sigh, hearing his breathing slow down; and closed my eyes.
We fell asleep in the rumpled stained sheets where I'd fucked one of the girls who live here some months a year, entertaining the guys with her charms and her nice smiles and her body, allow them to remember that they are still men –a fucking improvement over the virtual girls we had on Oz1. Well Beecher didn't agree on that, of course.
When we woke up, I had my arms locked around him so tight my muscles ached, and I was breathing in his hair; we kissed and stretched against each other, kissed again and it was time to get up.
"I'm not enough for you," he told me later as we were having breakfast together in my room, both reading the report of the last 24 hours, a reassuringly normal and cheering report, no one hurt, high productivity rates, a lot of money made, no fights, nothing bad.
"I never asked you to be true."
"Right," he snorted, "as soon as I'm on Earth I'm gonna fuck Saïd like crazy."
Ah, that stung. Toby, don't play this game with me, don't, please, I'm vulnerable here.
"Anyone but Saïd, please," I said. Don't do that, it's hard enough, having to let you go, knowing that maybe, probably, you won't come back, don't twist the knife.
"And remember, you said that it had nothing to do with me, so, what is all this shit about being jealous and all?"
"I don't know."
"You know they don't mean dick, don't you?"
"I suppose they don't, but it still hurts."
So I knew what I had to do.
We had a very long day. I went down, enjoying the trip to Treasure, its glistening ice-blue ground, nothing but ice, mountains, no trees, nothing, and the dark mouth of the pits where the shuttle landed. It took me half an hour to put on my equipment and I took the trip down; modern elevators, but, I realized, the voice announcing the successive levels was the same as the day of the accident on A4, I could remember the tone, the slight accent. I reached the deepest level without any incident, and walked straight where the guy had fallen. The rail had been repaired, I leaned against it carefully, bent over the huge gap where the future galleries would be, ice and stone mixed with ore, and I shut my lamp down to enjoy the soft glittering of the precious stuff generously spread there; the ore was a drug, some miners pretended they couldn't live without it; I believed them, I remembered the primitive pleasure I took digging into those shining depths.
But that time was over. Running the place was fine, just was I needed, power just as addictive as ore; and Toby more than anything else. If he was never to come back… I bent over the emptiness, feeling sick and dizzy; if Toby was never to come back it would be easy to lean forward just a bit more until my heavy boots left the ground, the gravity was enough to drag me down and I'd crush against the stones below; Beecher would cry over me forever. I played with the idea for a moment and straightened up, checking around, saw Ronnie Barlog come to me, tell me it was OK, we could reopen.
The afternoon meeting with the foremen, Beecher and part of the technical staff went just fine; Beecher was happy about my decision, I was happy to see him happy. Two hours later the first shifts went down and the work could begin again. We worked on logistic and boring stuff like that the whole afternoon.
Later I took Beecher to the greenhouse and made love to him in the pool where he loved to swim, sweet Jesus, he must've been a fish in a previous life, because he moved in the water like an aquatic animal. Most of the miners, and I, had cautious relations with water, even in a swimming pool, even a small one like that one; there's nothing like that on Mars3 and water, well… Being drowned haunts every miner's nightmares. But for Beecher, I was ready to overcome this too and take him there, wet and cool, but burning inside, fighting to stay out of the water and begging, demanding, yelling me to go on, go on and finish it, but it was about making love so I was determined to take my time, prove him I was the only one, the real one, and that he was the same to me, make him believe that there was still something possible, that love hadn't faded away, that it was still alive.
And I think we agreed on that.
BEECHER
I was sitting in my office. My things were packed and I was waiting for the shuttle to come and take me home. Home. This place would never be that to me, not even with Chris. See, I'd entertained the idea for a long time, probably the whole first year there, that where your heart was, your home was too. But it was a lie; love couldn't blossom in such a place between men like us; it was like trying to merge fire and water; one of us had to give way; working with him was like being a rock constantly washed by a relentless tempest –the rocks vanishes and becomes sand; I had to fly away before Chris' constant grip exhausted me to death or madness.
I wished I was gone already, I wished I was home hugging my kids, I wanted be able to go to the movie with old friends of mine I hadn't seen for three years now and kiss Gen even if she was not my wife anymore, smell her perfume which was the perfume of my world, play with my children, talk with Saïd, escape the smell of this place, escape the darkness of hopeless and infinite open space, stars shining, strange silver aura of the planet below; see a blue sky see animals see the ocean the beaches where I used to play when I was a kid with my brother see him and his kids see…
"Hey," Chris' voice startled me, he was standing on the doorstep, tight smile, "all ready to go?"
I nodded. Yeah, all ready to run away from you.
"They say the shuttle will be here in four hours, wanna have a bit of a talk meanwhile? I don't know, go somewhere?"
Go somewhere. I couldn't help snorting, "go somewhere" in Keller's mouth usually meant finding a nice unexplored place in our giant tin can and fuck like crazy, but today something in his voice told me it wasn't about it.
"It's OK, we can talk here!"
He stepped in, sat in front of me and gave me a long assessing look.
"Listen, I've been thinking about all this, Toby. You've been very withdrawn for some time lately, very subdued," he says cautiously.
"Do you mean inefficient?"
"Please don't begin fighting me!"
A hint of anger in his voice…
"I know how much you want to go home, I know what Earth means to you, I know whatever I can do, this place is a prison to you, I know the job doesn't get at you the way it gets at me, mesmerizes me, you don't feel for the men here what I feel for them. Right?"
I nodded.
"Fine, then listen, when you're home," he said, and I felt a shiver of anticipation run through me, "think about it, think it over. The company could send someone else to manage the place with me. Or… I could manage it alone."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about? You believe I won't come back?"
I wanted to stay cool but my voice was rising helplessly.
"No, I didn't say that, maybe now you're sure you'll come back but who can say what will happen when you're home, who you'll meet, what you'll feel, if you'll find the strength to leave again, no one knows what can happen, maybe you'll change your mind."
I rose and went to the window, I hadn't lost that stupid habit yet. Chris never did that; he never gave a look outside, and none of the miners did. Why look outside? There was nothing there.
He was right, and it hurt to realize that he saw through me so easily. I'd been thinking about it in the heart of the night, curled up in his arms, allowing my mind to fly away to places I'd never really left, which were solely mine, fighting the temptation of leaving and never come back.
"A greenhouse isn't quite the same thing as a garden on Earth."
"Yeah," I said, my throat tight and I heard him rise and sigh behind me.
"I have to go, talk to the guys from the maintenance."
"OK," and I turned to him, "but you know, if I could, I'd take you home with me."
"We can't do that, Beecher , we both know it. Besides, this place you call home ain't mine. Just promise me,"
"Anything."
"Don't listen to Saïd."
I couldn't help laughing; he was so unbelievably rancorous, this man of mine.
"I won't."
"Fine," he still said, "and if they have to look for someone to replace you, I'd rather have a girl, you know, big tits, pussy…"
He was gone before I could react and I heard his laugh vanish as he left.
Before I boarded the shuttle, he pulled me into a corner, hugged me tight and kisses me in the particular Keller way, ownership and all, his arms crushing me.
"Please, don't forget me."
"I'll be thinking about you every fucking second, you know that."
"And come back, you're the only one I care for."
"I know."
"I'm not that crazy about tits."
"I'd gathered that much, Keller."
"Think of all I'll do to you when you're back."
"It's just 6 months and after that I'm all yours."
The vice around my body loosened a little.
"OK. Ok, so go, now, go."
He turned away and walked out without a backward glance and I stayed here, stupid, until O'Reilly's voice called me from inside the shuttle.
"Hey, Beecher , are you coming, yes or no? We're waiting."
So I just stepped inside and left.
KELLER
He came back. It took much more than 6 months but he came back. From the first message I received I guessed he wouldn't; the second conversation we had made me sure about it; and week after week the intuition became a certainty; I listened to him talk about his friends, the bitches he met, and probably fucked, all the things he loved to do and it was like the distance between us was stretching endlessly. After 3 months, I asked him if he'd come back, his answer was vague; he didn't want to answer, I knew that.
Then I called the company, said I wanted to talk to Alvah Case and asked him what kinf of agreement he had with Beecher; I learned that Beecher had signed for 5 years and I told him he was thinking about leaving; but none of the men who'd come on Oz2 to take up the job had been up to it, they were dumb and by-the-book-Glynn-wannabe, and fuck, I wasn't going to make it easy for them. All right, I terrified them; space terrified them, miners terrified them, none of them had resisted Oz2 more than a month. I wanted Beecher to fulfil his commitment until the end; 5 years wouldn't be too much to make me able to manage the place by myself if I had to. Case listened to me, and said he'd think about it, convince Beecher that his presence on Oz2 was necessary; threaten him to sue him for breaking up his contract –well this was my idea, I knew Toby, he wouldn't take such a risk.
The negotiation lasted for days but two weeks later, while Beecher was sunbathing in some fancy place with his kids, and, I suspected, a woman, Case sent me a message: Beecher would be on his way back less than a week later. I'd won.
Almost.
The day he was due on Oz2, I spent hours pacing the hall, waiting for him, unable to care about anything else. He stormed out of the shuttle, livid and walked up to me.
"You fucking bastard, I'm gonna kill you!"
I gave him a sweet smile.
"Why? You signed for five years, Toby. What would I do without you?"
He looked at me, cold blue eyes.
"Whatever there was between us, it's over," he said before leaving.
"You didn't intend to come back, did you?" I shouted, "you prick, you missed your cosy little world too much, didn't you? How were the bitches? Did you enjoy them?"
He didn't even turn back, I let him leave.
The first weeks were awkward; Beecher barely talked to me, avoided me, didn't look me in the eyes and spent a lot of time locked in his room. The meetings with the staff went off in a gloomy mood, Toby stubbornly staring at his screen or his papers, writing on a legal pad, looking exceedingly bored and one day O'Reily glanced at me, exasperated.
"How long is this going to last? Because I tell you, K'boy, we're not gonna take that much longer."
"Yeah," Alvarez said, "why don't you teach the bitch his lesson one for all?"
I glared at Alvarez and he backed up; no one calls Toby a bitch in my face.
"He'll be fine, leave him some time, he left his kids behind, and his world, just for us, buddies. Be patient."
I was pretty confident; a man can't spend all his time working and there weren't so many distractions here; a movie every week, not the one an educated lawyer from Earth would enjoy, the library wasn't the best in the universe; that left the swimming pool, the greenhouse. And me.
And Beecher , he had that thing about sex, he loved it, and he loved it with *me* more than with anyone else. I wasn't insensitive enough or stupid enough to make him ask for it, I didn't want to humiliate him or hurt him; I was the one who begged in the end, shameless, in the middle of the night; threatening to sleep on his doorstep if he didn't let me him, pounding on his door and calling his fucking name like a cat in rut, and I didn't give a damn if the whole station and its 5000 miners heard me.
After a while he gave up, opened the door and I took him in my arms, hugged him, cradled him, felt him stiffen and resist.
"Hey, Mr Beecher, I'm glad you're back, I missed you like hell, I would've left for Earth in the end just to see you again. I-love-you-Toby, I do; please, forgive me. Take me back."
He sighed. "Yeah, you love me, but not enough to let me go when you know I'm happier on Earth than here."
"Were you happier without me?" I asked.
"I was happier on Earth."
"Let me make you happy here," I whispered in the silky mass of his hair "give me a chance, I can make you happier than all the fucks on Earth; I know I'm not easy to deal with, I know you don't like the place, but I'm not asking you to stay forever; just three more years."
"Three more years in hell."
"Three more years with me. And you can go back on Earth then."
He snorted but didn't try to push me away as I buried my fingers in his hair.
"Yeah, and when you miss me too much, you'll pull on the leash and I'll be back; that's how it works, isn't it?"
"Toby I can't live without you; I'd rather die."
"I know you, you wouldn't do that."
I lifted his chin, forced him to look into my eyes, deep enough to see the despair I'd been feeling during all those months; deep enough to shake his certitudes, deep enough to let my soul show.
"Dammit," he said, "you're crazy."
"Yeah, and all yours. You're enough, Toby, there's no one else."
I kissed him softly on the mouth, waiting for his lips to part and welcome me; I was shivering with need, shivering with anguish, and relief because finally he tangled his hands behind my neck and pulled me to him to kiss me deep and deeper still, his tongue exploring my mouth, stealing my breath and my mind and my heart and pushed me onto the bed, stripped me and began kissing me everywhere, his wet lips trailing on my cock, his mouth eating me alive, his strong hands holding me still, pinning me to the bed..
"Do you want to fuck me?" I asked against his open mouth.
"No, not tonight; what I want is you fucking me; I've been missing that."
Geez, it had taken 4 weeks before he gave up, four weeks of agony thinking that maybe he'd never take me back and now that he did, I wasn't sure I was up to it.
But hey, I was Chris Keller, I had a reputation here, I wasn't gonna whine, tell him I'd rather just hold him; he wanted to be fucked, so I fucked him, lost myself deep inside him, let the frustration of the past year, the past weeks guide my dick, shut my brain down, until he begged for more, please, more, but slow down, it hurts; I breathed deeply and forced myself to calm down, to pick a gentler rhythm, brushed against his prostate, stroke his nipples and his belly and his cock with my miner's callous hands, and when he came, spurting come all over me, before I let go too, I asked him to say it, say it loud.
"I missed you Chris; I did."
It didn't take anything more; I came, rubbing my scratching jaw against his belly, purring, roaring.
He was back, he was mine.
BEECHER
He's down in the mine checking the digging of new galleries. Soon he'll be too old for that; the place is dangerous, sometimes I'm afraid an accident happens; I worry for him. I worry when I'm on Oz, and when I'm on Earth. The time I spend here we fight like always and fuck like never; when I'm far from Oz, I recover from him; enjoy my kids, my friends and some lovers I've got down there; then I come back and his love swallows me, floods me, asphyxiates me, overwhelms me.
Last year Saïd was murdered, they didn't find the killer; since my divorce with Gen, Saïd and my children were the main reasons why I still spent some time on Earth; now that he's dead, things don't look the same down there. Six months ago Sister Pete Marie died too, I think Chris cried that day, he was very subdued for a whole week and I know that he still prays for her. I wonder if he prays for me too.
Gen has married again, my children came to Oz once, they looked delighted by the place and the people; Gary and Holly even took the trip down to the mine, and Gary listened to Chris' stories for hours, and fuck, so did I.
I'm waiting for him to come back from the pit; I'm standing in the hall of the upper level, talking with one of those young guys from Earth, an educated bold guy who wanted to live something else, give the mine a try, rub elbows with another world, prove himself he was a real man; when he came there, Chris wanted to send him back but I insisted, gave the boy a try and even Chris agrees on that, now Adam's a good miner; what he doesn't tell me about what happened to him on Earth I don't wanna know, here on Oz such things don't matter much; he's funny, he's one of those I can easily talk with, we both come from the good old world; we have more in common that I have with Keller –except the love.
Here he comes, surrounded by miners, probably taking wagers about the next match of this game they play here–two men, a ball and two goals; every player trying to plant (?) the ball in the opposite goal, every player trying to stop the other –no rules, a real free for all, basic, violent, fascinating; I bet sometimes, and lose; which delights Chris –Hey, I'm just the guy from Earth here, not supposed to understand anything to their own kind of civilisation, or the language they talk when they're together, and that I don't still quite handle.
Chris spots me, smiles and walks up the stairs –my young companion has vanished.
"Hey, Beecher , waiting for me?"
"Yeah, have to talk to you."
"Not now, we got a meeting in ten minutes; I have to…"
"What I have to say won't take that long," I whisper and I see his eyes roam over my face hungrily, over my lips, his hands brushing against my crotch.
"Yeah," he says "let's go", and propels me along the corridor to an empty closet, pushes me against the wall and leans forward, steps forward, crushing me between the wall and my body but I fight him and it's my time to press him against the metallic wall…
"Come on, come on, Toby, kiss me."
It's my favourite moment, when our lips meet, when my heart jumps inside my chest and my cock hardens painfully, when we clutch to one another like drowning men, losing breath, yanking down each other's pant and I don't want to take my lips off his so I rub my body against his like an animal until he seizes my hips and drags me closer, rubs harder, our cocks already slick and when I throw my head back and bite my lips to stifle my cry he digs his teeth into my throat and we come, locked in each other's embrace; and it's good; I can't believe how good it is.
It's worth staying, maybe it's not happiness, but it's very close to it.
It helps me forgetting the rumours about the EMC, people whispering that the board of directors was infiltrated by businessmen from Mars3, that they're the major shareholders now, and that the EMC doesn't belong to Earth anymore; Case was fired and some guys here pretend that soon we will be our own bosses, that the company will be dismantled and every station become an independent firm. I don't know if I can trust them; I'm not sure those news make me happy; my kids tell me that Earth is losing the long-haul battle; that our world is slowly drowning into a decadent lethargy, that power doesn't belong to the people from the old world anymore and that Mars3 and other new worlds are about to found a new alliance, an empire. So I guess the rumours are true and suddenly I don't know where I belong anymore.
These news overexcite the miners, they distress me. I bury myself deeper in Chris' love, in his arms, hug him tighter, melt with him to keep the fear at bay and he kisses me.
"We're safe here, Toby; soon there will be no more EMC, no more boss to give us orders. And later when we're old we'll find a nice place to live together, the kind of place you like."
He kisses me. "It's not the end, Toby, only the beginning and soon, Oz2 will belong to us."
And in his eyes I see Schillinger's old dream come true and I shiver. Then I close my eyes and forget about it.
Because in the end, love is the only thing worth living for.
FINI!